The Bare Essentials
by P.O.D.4201
Summary: Max and Alec are reluctantly out on another mission for the all-powerful Eyes Only. It's supposed to be simple, only Logan forgot to mention one very important fact...


The Bare Essentials  
By Me, the P.O.D.4201  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Angel or any of the characters... don't sue me... (is that all I have to say??)  
  
Just a Note: Okay, this is the very first ever fic that I'm posting. The concept is somewhat amusing, I think, but I'm feeling a bit iffy about my writing. I'm going to edit is as time goes on and inspiration hits me, so fear not! Review if ya want, let me know how much I suck... just try to be nice about it, I may cry.  
  
Here goes nothing...  
  
"Do we really have to do this?" Alec whined.  
His voice shattered the serene atmosphere of the small lakeside park they'd stopped at to eat. "For the last time," Max said, taking a deep breath to control her anger, "yes."  
She was expecting him to keep whining, but he wisely chose to shut up, at least for the time being. He finished the sandwich, that Logan had been so kind as to make for them to take on their trip, and crumbled the paper bag much longer than he needed to. Max glanced back at him in annoyance, but he ignored her and looked out at the lake. She could tell he was planning the next smart ass remark, and she planned to stop him, but he anticipated this and was one step ahead.  
"Wanna go skinny dipping?" he asked nonchalantly, like there was nothing wrong with the question.  
Max wasn't going to give him the satisfaction by getting angry. She just rolled her eyes and told him, probably for the twentieth time that day, "You're an idiot."  
He put his hands up as if to defend himself, obviously expecting more of a reaction, and said, "It was just a suggestion."  
"Ugh, stop talking about it," Max ordered him. "The mental images..." She cringed and shook her head like she was trying to shake them away.  
Alec cocked his head to one side and did his best to look and sound deep in thought. "Yeah, they're terrible..." he said, and braced himself for the inevitable physical abuse that would follow.  
Sure enough, she punched him in the arm, then got up from the picnic table. "Let's go," she said, her voice expressing her annoyance even though she was trying her damnedest not to let her face show it.  
"Oww, Maxie, that really hurt," he whined. It hadn't hurt at all, and he was pretty sure it wasn't meant to, but he was still going to have some fun with it. She ignored his remarks all the way back to their bikes, which disappointed him slightly. She noticed his moment of disappointment, and allowed herself a triumphant smile. Her mistake was letting him see it, thus giving him a new source of determination.  
"How about we don't go and just tell Logan we did?" he suggested, getting on his bike and resting his chin on the handle bars. He had been whining about their newest "mission" all day. It was simple really. Check into the same motel as the Eye's Only bad-guy-of-the-week, attend a formal dinner that night, listen in on a meeting with bad-guy-numero-two using their beautifully enhanced hearing, then report the conversation back to the boss. He didn't mind going on this little errand, but he knew that Max did, mainly because she had to go with him. But because Logan had labeled it a favor and used that tone that made Max think she owed him something (what exactly, Alec could not for the life of him figure out), she had become determined to do it and had all but convinced herself that she wanted to do it. That was why he was determined to make her crazy. Sooner or later she would crack and scream how much all of Logan's "favors" piss her off.  
Once again, Max ignored his statement. "Let's go," she said and started her engine.  
"Come on, Maxie. We could get a room somewhere... hide out for a couple of days..." he coaxed.  
A forced look of pure disgust appeared on her face for a moment before she composed herself again and rolled her eyes. "Hell no!" she said forcefully, and kicked back the stand.  
Alec laughed as she revved the engine and took off toward the road, leaving him and a twenty foot long skid mark behind. "Fine, Maxie!" he shouted to her. "But before this trip is over, you will see me naked!" She didn't react, but he knew she'd heard him. About an hour later, they pulled up across the street from a resort-looking hotel, The Bare Essentials. From what Logan had said, it was a place where the elite upper class went to get away from their "difficult" lives. He told them about the three pools- two downstairs (one heated, one not) and one on the roof with a Jacuzzi, the all you can eat breakfast buffet, the huge rooms that were like whole apartments, and about the giant snack bars in every room (that was what had gotten Alec to agree to the whole thing). They stashed their bikes between two buildings, then headed across the street to the hotel. For as popular a place as Logan made the resort sound, there weren't any valets out front or even a parking lot out front. In fact, there wasn't a road at all leading to the front of the building, just a walkway.  
Max led the way through the revolving doors and into a huge lobby that didn't look nearly as luxurious as she was expecting. Instead of deep maroon carpeting with gold trim and a marble staircase, the carpet was a teal color and the walls and stairs were wooden, cedar by the smell of it. It definitely had a vacation-like atmosphere. She glanced behind her to Alec, who had decided to take another trip around inside the revolving door just to annoy her. He didn't meet her glaring eyes as he stepped up next to her. He just looked around at the seemingly abandoned lobby.  
"Looks like business is booming," he commented.  
"Shut up," she hissed.  
He was right though. There were no signs of guests, bellhops, luggage carts, or anything hotel related. There wasn't even anyone behind the desk. With their enhanced hearing, they could pick up only the whirring sound of the air conditioning and the squeak coming from one of the ceiling fans high above them. Alec was just getting ready to come out with another smart remark about the lack of activity in the place when a man walked out from a room behind the counter. Both he and Max blinked several times to make sure that they were seeing correctly. Their mouths fell open, and both searched their minds for a coherent thought to put into words, but came up with nothing.  
"No," was all Alec could get out.  
"This is not happening," Max squeaked, sounding truly panicked.  
The man, short and balding with tufts of hair above both his ears, noticed them standing there and smiled broadly. He held out his arms and hurried out from behind the counter to greet them. Both of their prayers went unanswered as he appeared fully from behind the desk. He was completely, 100% naked, and didn't seem to have a problem with it.  
"Welcome! Welcome!" he exclaimed as he ran over to them, an image that Alec was sure would haunt his nightmares for a long time.  
Max snapped into soldier mode and scanned the area for a quick escape. Their best bet was right out the way they'd come in. They could just politely explain that they were at the wrong resort, no problem. She leaned back slightly and whispered, "Run!"  
Alec was sure he knew what her plan was. He had been running through all possible escape routes and methods himself, but then a much more appealing idea came to him. It was the perfect opportunity to torture Max. She had been all about completing the "mission" the whole way there, had chastised him for not wanting to- he was not about to let her bail. He had no problem with what staying would mean he would have to do. After all, he had nothing to be ashamed of, and neither did she but he knew she would rather die than stay. As she started to turn to run, he grabbed her arm and turned her back around. "Oh, no you don't," he whispered into her ear. "You dragged me out here. You're not getting out of this."  
He held a firm grip on her arm as the man from behind the counter reached them and held out his hand. "Welcome to the Bare Essentials Nudist Resort," he said. "My name is Dan. Could I help you with your bags?"  
"Yes, thank you," Alec said as politely as he could while hiding his amusement. Manticore training was coming in handy on this one. He handed the still beaming man his bag. Max seemed frozen in her spot. "Max, baby, don't be rude," he scolded her, using his best doting boyfriend tone, "give the nice gentleman your bag."  
She shot him a look that clearly was meant to say, "I hate you," and gave up her backpack. Dan swung the bag over his shoulder, then hurried back over to the desk, dropping the bags on a cart they hadn't noticed before. "Please follow me," he called over his shoulder.  
Keeping a hold of her arm, he pushed her forward. She struggled, but he just tightened his grip. He made sure to pin her between the desk and himself, giving her only enough room to breathe and no opportunities for an escape. Dan excused himself to the back room to answer a phone, and once he was gone Alec leaned down next to Max's ear and said triumphantly, "I told you you'd see me naked." 


End file.
